No Day But Tomorrow

So yes, I've decided to start writing in this stupid blog again. It's been an interesting couple of months in my life. I've started a new job that I actually like, and I'm moving into a great apartment in the next couple of days. Here's a list of accomplishments that have made me super-cool:

1. I now can handle 3 drinks instead of the previous 2 before I am plastered.
2. I cancelled my membership at Results the Gym and lost 5 pounds.
3. My apartment building has a mouse problem but I haven't had any in my apartment.
4. I'm the new showtunes DJ--cool huh?
5. I applied to go to grad school--again--only to cancel the day before.
6. I've mastered the concept of going out on a friday night with only 10 bucks and having a blast!
7. My dog Roxie only sh*ts on the floor 2 times a week rather than the usual 5.
8. I'm super cute.
9. I haven't listened to my "Wicked" CD in 3 months.
10. I travelled to Richmond for work and lived to tell about it.

So as you can see, my life is about as dull as its always been. But I guess that's what makes me unique. As I approach 30 (I still got 2+years bitches!), I'm starting to realize that it's not as bad as some [gay] people claim it is. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. As I walk into a bar or down 17th st, I look at these queens with their Maybelline and purses that fly out of their mouths, and thank God that I was never like that. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people who choose to act like that. Heck, it makes for good entertainment. Of course there's some people who are WELL into their 30's but act like they're 18 [you know who you are!].

So you might be asking...is there a point to all this? Not really...that's what this blog is all about! Here's to fun adventures in the blog world...and I'll try to do my best and find innovative ways of updating this blog. Ciao for now!

Send in the clowns......

So as I'm sure many of you are aware, I've become an alcoholic as of late. Well actually, alcoholic is a rather strong word. I haven't been asked to go to rehab or anything like that, but for those of you who know me, I used to be "one or two drink Mike." Well not anymore. Last night was the pinnacle of my recent escapade, as for some reason in my drunken stupor I was laying down on the JRs pool table with my legs in the air singing to some gay showtune that I have no recollection of. For those of you who know me a while, you know that this is VERY out of character. I've come up with a list of possible excuses for my recent splurge into the deep, dark world of alcoholism:

1. Work--Nah that's a boring excuse
2. The End of Daylight Saving Time--Nah i LOVE the dark!
3. My parents lied to me and I really just turned 21--Nah my hair is too thin for that to be true
4. I've come to the realization that alcohol enhances penis size...um, nevermind
5. I'm come to the realization that alcohol actual increases my libido....hmmmmm
6. I realized that I'm WAY more fun when I drink more.

Yes, I think #6 is the correct answer. We're still working on #4 and #5 :)

I've heard it said...that people come into our lives...for a reason...

I know it's been a couple of days since my last post, and I know some of you are just crushed. I wanted to end this beautiful weekend by thanking all of my wonderful friends (both human and dog) for sharing in Roxie's birthday party on Saturday. The weather was wonderful, and I had a really great time. Thank you all for being such a wonderful part of my (and Roxie's) life!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROXIE!

Happy Birthday to my best friend. You may puke and pee all over my floor, wake me up in the middle of the night or have the worst breath imaginable at times, but I still love ya. Come out for doggie birthday cake tomorrow at 2 in the circle! :)

Would you like cheese with that?

Anyone who knows me knows what one of my greatest phobias is...no it's not spiders, or the dark, or thunderstorms, or drag queens...nope, it's CHEESE. I hate cheese! While that might be hard for some of you to comprehend, I cannot stand that foul concoction. First off, the stuff just wreaks! I don't know how anyone can eat the stuff. Not to mention it tastes like crap.

Why am I mentioning this? Well I had an interesting episode in a restaurant the other night. Due to my extreme dislike for cheese, I usually ask waiters and waitresses if there is cheese on items that "may" have it, such as salads, burgers, etc. A couple of nights ago I ordered a hamburger at a local restaurant (I wont mention names) and specifically said "no cheese," since the menu said it comes with cheese automatically. The waiter assured me that the cheese would not be on the burger. I was pleased.

When my food arrived, I felt a sudden uneasiness settle into my stomach as I caught the first sniff of my burger. Even though there appeared to be no cheese on the burger, I smelled it. I have a very good nose (most of us Jews do), and I knew something was up. I slowly lifted my bun off to find a burger with a slight yellow coating in the middle, indicative of a slice of cheese that was removed. I was pissed! You're not gonna try and cover up your mistakes like that are you? Don't go trying to fool me by removing the slice of cheese and thinking I'm not going to notice. And what's worse? When I called the waiter over they flatly denied there ever was cheese on there. I was like um, you don't know who you're dealing with here. I have a nose like a coyote and there WAS cheese on here. Needless to say I will not be going back there again.

The point to all of this? All you "cheese" places out there...McDonalds, Burger King, whoever...don't try and trick me...I know the types of games you play, and I'm one step ahead of ya...

Happy Birthday Roxie!

As many of you know, my pup Roxie's 1 year birthday is this Friday. The weather forecast is for a beautiful weekend, so I was hoping to have a little "doggie" birthday party on Saturday in the circle (dupont circle of course). I was thinking around 2:00pm. I'll provide doggie birthday cake if you're bringing your dogs. I'll provide "adult" food as well (sorry no alcohol, that's illegal in DC parks...blah!) Let me know if you can attend...shoot me an email: mlwolfe79@hotmail.com :)

I do believe I have been changed for the better...

I apologize for my little rant yesterday on here. Multiple late evenings had taken its toll on my mental psyche, and for that I apologize. Thanks to 12 hours sleep, I'm back to my usual cheerful self. I'm sure you're all thrilled!

As many of you know, I dressed up as Elphaba for Halloween. If you have no idea who that is, you truly don't know me, as I tend to bring her up in every conversation, but I'll refresh your memory just in case. She is the so-called "Wicked" witch from "The Wizard of Oz" story. Of course my representation of her is based on the musical "Wicked," where she plays an often misunderstood individual who attempts to do good but just has a lot of "bad luck." While I know this depiction is much different than the depiction in the novel, through watching the play it's hard not to feel sorry for her. Anywho, I looked fabulous in my costume with green makeup, even though it took 2 hours to remove afterwards.

Lessons learned from halloween night:

1. Makeup is WAY expensive.
2. Makeup is NOT good for my pores.
3. Black really does make you look thinner.
4. Gay men love mormons.
5. Second place sucks.

Thanks to everyone who cheered me on Monday night! :) And those who didn't, I'm over it now so you can talk to me again :)

Be careful what you wish for....

Dear fellow blog readers,

Thank you for the comments that have started to pour in regarding my blog. While I appreciate everyone's right to express their opinion regarding my posts, I must lay several ground rules or your posting will be subject to deletion:

Rule 1: Any comments that ridicule the author will be deleted. Everyone knows I'm a dork already. We don't need specific examples.

Rule 2: This is my blog and I can do whatever and post whatever I want. If you don't like that, go read someone else's blog.

If we follow these simple rules, we should be able to all get along and enjoy some interesting, mindless discussion.

Sincerely,

You know who.

On my Own..

I'm glad to see my last post resonated with everyone!

[That's sarcasm btw]